tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40348925751513447792024-03-19T03:50:25.888-04:00Broadway, Bedbugs and Beyond - The Life and Times of The Singing ExterminatorThe Singing Exterminatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12184956429436255865noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4034892575151344779.post-25187612672539301032012-02-12T13:29:00.000-05:002012-02-21T09:03:58.562-05:00A Meditation on Whitney Houston<br />
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The poet John Donne wrote, “Any… death diminishes me for I
am involved in mankind and therefore never send to know for whom the bell
tolls, it tolls for thee.”
When the bells toll today in memory of Whitney Houston, they will remind
me of a voice, silenced. I find it
diminishes me more, the silencing of a voice that would be otherwise rose in
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It seems to be true that for Whitney, her life modulated as
much as her music. In the latter
part of her life, we heard more tribulation than song. Today and in the coming weeks, much
will be written and said about those tribulations. I’ll continue to quote Donne. “Tribulation is treasure in the nature of it, but it is not
current money in the use of it, except we get nearer and nearer our home,
heaven, by it.” Our home is not
here on Planet Earth; we simply occupy this space to live our lives, to have
our joys, our own music and our tribulations. Whitney’s time for tribulation is over and now, she has gone
home.</div>
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That does not make this day any less sad. My thoughts for Whitney’s family,
friends and fans can be summed up in the words of another great “poet”,
Benjamin Franklin. “I condole with
you, we have lost a most dear and valuable relation, but it is the will of God
and Nature that these mortal bodies be laid aside when the soul is to enter
into real life… We are spirits.
That bodies should be lent us, while they can afford us pleasure, assist
us in acquiring knowledge, or doing good for our fellow creatures, is a kind
and benevolent act of God.”
Writing as one of her fellow creatures, I thank God for Whitney Houston.</div>
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In that same essay, Mr. Franklin wrote, “Our friend and we
are invited abroad to a party of pleasure—that is to last forever.” I myself do not know what awaits
us. Is it heaven or the spirit
world? Whatever it is, I believe
the scheduled entertainment at the party includes a “girl group”, unparalleled
in its scope and unequalled in its talent. I believe this with every fiber of my being.</div>
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Billie Holliday, Janis Joplin, Marion Anderson, Florence
Ballard, Karen Carpenter, Alliyah, Lisa (Left-Eye) Lopes, Dusty Springfield,
Phyllis Hyman, Beverly Sills, Cass Elliot, Tammi Terrell, Minnie Riperton, Teena Marie, Amy Winehouse, Laurie Beechman,
Gertrude Lawrence, Sippie Wallace, Etta James and so many others are already there. Whitney Houston is about to join the
group.</div>
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It is an amazing jam session for which, one day we will all
have the best seat in the house. </div>The Singing Exterminatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12184956429436255865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4034892575151344779.post-34805134569536101632012-02-07T14:42:00.004-05:002012-02-07T21:30:40.406-05:00The Puppy Episode II. Special Guest Star... Ellen De Generes!It is a nice quiet evening at home. It's after dinner and I'm watching a repeat of The Mary Tyler Moore Show. During dessert, a piece of cheesecake, baked from my late father's recipe, I decide that baking and selling the cheesecake would make a good business. But people need more than cheesecake. I need to go to cooking school and can't afford the tuition. What am I going to do?<br />
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I can't imagine what I am going to do. I could faint and fall into the cheesecake. No, too "slapstick." Instead, I apply for courses at the French Culinary Institute in New York. Then, for some reason I find myself looking at the web site for The Ellen DeGeneres Show. As I see things, one in a million potential cooking school students visits the "Ellen" web site immediately following the application process. It must be divine intervention. At the site I notice the question, "Is It Time For Ellen To Change Your Life?" My answer... "Is a Rabbi Jewish?"</div>
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Oh, and to make it funny... "Ellen, I'm a gay cheesecake baker." OK, I know this was funny when Ellen made a similar statement to Laura Dern over a public address system. If this goes to air, maybe I can get Mary Stuart Masterson and a megaphone.</div>
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While I am waiting for Act II of my "Puppy Episode" to be written, I am reposting my 2005 Cancer Essay so that Ellen, her staff and anyone interested can read it. </div>
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As I stated to Ellen, it all comes back to dessert.</div>
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If you are wondering how I arrived at the title for this post, consider this "inside joke", a loving reference to James L. Brooks and The Mary Tyler Moore Show. If he could do it with "Christmas and the Hard Luck Kid", then so can I. </div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In 1993, I was diagnosed HIV positive. In</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">February 2003, I was diagnosed with Kaposi’s</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sarcoma, an AIDS related form of cancer. The</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">following month, I went through two inpatient</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">stays at New York Presbyterian Hospital, one of</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">the finest health care facilities in the United</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">States. For the patient, NYPH can provide the</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">best that Western medicine has to offer. To further benefit the cancer patient, many doctors at NYPH will consult with</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">doctors at Memorial-Sloan Kettering Cancer Center.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">During my second stay in the hospital, my health deteriorated to the</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">point where I was told that if my condition worsened, death would be</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">imminent. The cancer was spreading rapidly and I had lesions on my</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">face, chest, back and groin as well as in my lungs. The platelet count in</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">my blood had decreased to 2 (150 is considered low-normal). I had</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">bleeding in my lungs, was bruising easily, suffered from chest pain and</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">had trouble breathing on my own. I was on full oxygen at this point.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Trying to lie down to relax or sleep put too much pressure on my chest.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The pain was unbearable. As a last-ditch effort to boost my immune system, my doctors put me on a regimen of intravenous Gamma Globulin and Prednisone, a blood product and a steroid, respectively.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What follows is not an account of a near-death experience. My heart did not stop beating nor did I see “a light.” It is though, the most significant time in which I had to confront my own mortality and spirituality. I</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">was raised Jewish, but my spiritual practice encompasses everything</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">from Judaism to Zen and Hindu meditations and Japanese prayers.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">While I have embraced and enjoyed all these teachings, I would practice</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">my spirituality only when life was going well. Then something would</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">happen and I would toss my spirituality aside. However, when I was</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">told that I might be dying, it wasn’t death I was frightened of. Far scarier was the thought that I could leave this world without honoring and</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">living in my spirituality.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was on Sunday, March 30, 2003, this “worst day,” that my life</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">transformed in a way I could not have imagined. My entire family visited me—parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins and the loves of my life,</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">my niece and nephew. About thirty people were in my room—a real</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">party! I came to refer to this visit as my “live wake.” We talked, laughed,</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">cried, ate and had a lovely afternoon. Not knowing what my future held,</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">we also said how much we loved one another and, if necessary, said our</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">goodbyes.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After my family left, I settled in for a quiet evening watching television. Th</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">e cable television station Turner Classic Movies was in the midst</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">of</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">its </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">31 Days of Oscar</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, a salute to American Academy Award winning</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">films. The theme for the evening was “Oscar Gets Sick.” The two movies</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">shown were </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Terms of Endearment</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Philadelphia</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. I</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">thought to</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">myself, “Well isn’t this something. I want relief and now, I can watch</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">both the cancer movie and the AIDS movie in one evening. Here I am</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">sitting with both illnesses in one handsome, hilarious package.” The </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">irony made me laugh. Considering my condition, it made perfect sense. Thinking that they are both great movies and I may be entertained; I</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">decided to watch them both.</span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When I like a movie, I can watch it 100 times and not be bored.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Being a (sometimes) singer and performer, I have always loved movies and all popular</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">culture. A dear friend of mine considers me to be a “walking national</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">treasure of fandom.” It’s one of my strengths. You may ask, “How</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">strong?” Here’s a trivia question; the first one that comes to mind. Who is the first celebrity contestant to “break the</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">bank” and win twice in one episode of the television quiz show </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The $10,000 Pyramid</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">? I know this from memory and I’ll answer the question, but not until the end of the article.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">During </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Terms of Endearment</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">,</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">at the scene where Debra Winger’s character dies of cancer, I found myself, surprisingly, not crying. Never</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">before had I watched this scene without a few tissues in my hand. After</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">a few moments I came to the conclusion that every piece of drama and</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">negative energy I could associate with my own condition was up there</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">on the television screen. It was not a part of me. I could turn it off whenever I wanted to. My thoughts made me completely giddy. I continued</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">to watch and at the end of </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Philadelphia</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, turned off the set.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">EVERYTHING AND NOTHING</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As I lay in my bed looking out at the East River, I felt a sense of peace</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and quiet. I thought, “Maybe I am dying, maybe I’m not. Whatever is</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">happening, I’m fine.” I thought that God must have work for me to do,</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">either here on Earth or outside of my body. The only thing I wanted to</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">be was ready for either possibility. I thought to myself that everything in</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">my life mattered and nothing in my life mattered. I began to think that</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">this must be what it means to be free. I felt free of attachment, free of</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">negative thinking, free of everything. I wish I could communicate how</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">happy and joyous and humbled and peaceful I felt in this new- found</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">freedom. I cried tears of joy and for the first time in over a week, I</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">peacefully and blessedly fell asleep.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I don’t know what constitutes a miracle, but the next morning, my</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">perception of a miracle manifested itself. Beginning at 6 </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">AM</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">,</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">the nurses</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">started coming into my room to inform me that my platelet count was</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">rising—46, 60, 75, 85—with every blood sample, the platelet count kept</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">going up. Finally at 1:00 </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">PM</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">,</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">my doctor arrived to tell me that I had a</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">count of 156. This was enough to begin my chemotherapy, which she had already ordered. After a painful and sad week, my condition began to</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">improve.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">While still in critical condition, I was visited by my friends Deborah and Reiko. I had first met Deborah in 1995 in her capacity as an</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Interfaith Minister and she became my spiritual counselor. In fact, it</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">was Deborah who helped me develop many of my spiritual tools. After</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">our counseling sessions ended, a friendship developed. Deborah introduced me to Reiko, who in 1997 offered to teach me the </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">IN </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">of </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ware Soku</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Kami Nari</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">On March 31, the day after my awakening, my friends came</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">to the hospital to meditate with me. We recited the phrases “</span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ware Soku</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Kami Nari</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">,</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">jôju</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">,</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jinrui Soku Kami Nari</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">.” We did the divine practice</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">for the large-scale purification of humanity and performed the </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">IN </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">of</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jinrui Soku Kami Nari</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">During our meditation, with my eyes closed, I began to feel something like a drill boring a hole in my head. Inexplicably, the feeling was</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">not</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">painful and I sensed it was for my own good. The vision that followed was one of Masahisa Goi. ‘Goi Sensei’</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">was drilling the hole in my</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">head in order for me to let in my divine light. It was a profound experience—the first and only time to date that I saw his face in a vision.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">These practices and meditations, along with Western medicine and</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">my fierce determination, made it possible for my health to rebound</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">enough for my doctors to begin chemotherapy treatments the very next</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">day. I chose that day, April 1st, to be my re-birthday. April Fools Day</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">is the perfect choice to celebrate a birthday. As it is already miraculous, something else makes sense. It's "Jeannie's" birthday, too. </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Within two months, my recovery was almost complete. Today, I</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">have no cancer present in my lungs and the few lesions still visible are</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">nothing more than pigmentation problems. My HIV viral load, which</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">was 1.8 million (dangerously high) in February 2003, has decreased to</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">the point where it is undetectable. Any side effects from the chemotherapy are so inconsequential that I pay no attention to them. I have energy</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">to spare and am living my life with a renewed sense of spirit and purpose. I find my divine light very present in my heart, mind and body.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I consider my recovery to be miraculous. Continued recovery, however, comes with some responsibility. I perform the Universal </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">INs </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">of </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ware Soku Kami Nari</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jinrui Soku Kami Nari</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">regularly and I am</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">working on other spiritual practices. I am writing two Universal Source Mandalas as well as saying “</span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jinrui Soku Kami Nari</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">” for 70,000 individuals.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">These two additional practices have become something similar to</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">a meditation. They are easy to do and completely lift my spirits. The</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">mandalas are wonderful tools to assist me in staying open to receive my</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">divine light. I have been informed that I am doing humanity a service</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">when I say “</span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jinrui Soku Kami Nari</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">.” There are moments when I am a</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">bit skeptical, however, I continue to say the recitation. It is creating positive energy and being of service brings me great joy.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have always possessed a strong determination to do whatever I wanted to do. Now, my determination has turned toward my complete</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">physical and emotional recovery. Along with my spiritual tools, the mandalas and performing the </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">INs </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">regularly, I progress through this task with a sense of humor, light and great spirit.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It has been almost a year since I wrote that last paragraph. I was doing my work, completely happy in my physical, spiritual and emotional</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">recovery. I had no idea of what was to come. On Friday, June 20, 2003,</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">thirty-six hours after receiving the news that the cancer was no longer</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">present in my lungs, my father died. The summer of 2003 was spent in</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">mourning, albeit with a sense of purpose. I had received the gift of dealing with my own mortality just prior to my father’s passing. It did not</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">make his death any easier, but there was a sense of lightness in which I</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">experienced an expansion of my heart and mind. Realizing that my</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">thoughts of Dad would now reside in my heart, I began to see my heart</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">having the capacity to hold more kindness and compassion, along with</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">my feelings for him. I thought there could be no better gift for a father to</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">give his son.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Three months later, I developed a lump in my neck. The first</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">thought among my doctors and I was that Lymphoma had developed.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Part of me felt like a strange type of overachiever. One cancer a year was</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">not enough; I had to have two. Biopsies and other tests determined it was not cancerous; however, subsequent tests proved inconclusive that</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">it was any other type of illness. My doctors, as completely baffled as I</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">was, determined it an Atypical Mycobacterial Infection, to be treated</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">with antibiotics. In February 2004 I underwent neck surgery, which</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">removed part of the infection. I was informed that I would have to begin a regimen of four antibiotics, which I would have to take for a minimum</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">of one year.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The physical side effects of the antibiotics were quite debilitating.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Fatigue, fevers, loss of weight and appetite, and dry mouth became part</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">of my daily life. While I was meditating at this time, I had stopped performing the </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">INs </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and was not completing my mandalas. I simply did not</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">have the energy, or so I thought.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In July, when the side effects of the antibiotics were interfering too</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">much with the quality of my life, I decided to stop taking them altogether. A week later, I began a regimen of traditional Chinese medicine, regular acupuncture treatments and Chinese herbs. I began to feel much</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">better and was pleased that I made the decision to go off the antibiotics.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Two weeks later, the infection in my neck began to flare up and I had to</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">go back on the antibiotics. I was quite upset and angry that I had to do</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">this, but it seemed that it was something I had to do in order to clear my</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">body of this infection. So, Western and Eastern medicine would have to</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">work together.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">LEARNING AND RELEARNING</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Once again, my fierce determination to recover and live my life fully</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">started to kick in. I began to think that maybe I did not learn my lesson</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">completely when I had cancer, or when I was first experiencing the side</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">effects of the antibiotics. It had now been about twenty months. Since</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">early 2003, I had been dealing with two major health issues and my</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">father’s death. It was a very tough time, so much so that I began to tell</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">my friends that I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">One afternoon following an acupuncture treatment, I began to feel a sense of acceptance over what was happening in my physical body. I</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">immediately stopped and sat down for a moment. Here I was, remembering how I felt lying in my hospital bed, looking out at the East River.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">An interesting thought came to mind. What would happen to me if I</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">could completely “get out of my own way?” What would happen if I</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">could completely free myself of my attachment to my own body?</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My friend Deborah thought that completely freeing myself of</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">attachment was a rather lofty goal, one that I may not be able to achieve.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">She suggested that I begin by </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">lessening </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">my attachment to my physical</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">body. Thinking about this afterward, I thought she might be on to something. Completely freeing myself of attachment to my physical body</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">began to sound a lot like death. I mean, that does happen when we die.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We no longer have an attachment to our physical body. Am I correct?</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Lessening my attachment was a simpler task; one I could do every day. Through meditation, I could see those situations and experiences in</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">my life in which I created negative energy. I had carried this negative</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">energy with me for many years. I could begin to let go of the negative,</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">which I no longer needed, and replace it with positive energy. The positive energy I would now be creating could be used to facilitate my own</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">spiritual, emotional and physical growth, and then be released into the</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">world. Additionally, I would revisit those life experiences that I used to</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">create positive energy.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I believe it is beneficial for me to acknowledge the hardships as</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">well as the rewards. I will say that it is still my goal to free myself of all</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">attachment. Lessening my attachment every day is the way I will continue towards that goal. There is no time frame here—no saying to myself</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">that I have to do this in six months. It may take the rest of my life to</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">achieve my goal, if I achieve it at all. It doesn’t matter. I can’t think of a</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">more productive way to spend my time.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">During this time, I am performing the </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">INs </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">again, and I have resumed working on my mandalas. They are an important part of my</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">many spiritual tools. The moment of freedom that I described earlier came to me quietly and peacefully, but not quickly. Years of prayer and meditation, making</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">mistakes and remembering who I am had to unfold first.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My spiritual</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and emotional journey “picked up steam” the day I was diagnosed with</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">HIV. It led me to a New York based organization called Friends In</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Deed. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The loving and talented friends I encountered there assisted me</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">in remembering who I was and what I can do. They helped me to</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">remember that the only thing I have to deal with is my life right here</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and right now. My past is history and my future only imagined. I was</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">shown a way of life in which I could avoid making negative and positive</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">predictions. My attempt to live “in the moment” every day of my life is</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">not easy. It may be the one, and perhaps only place in which I can take</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">care of my emotional and physical health. Another lesson I learned is</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">that the quality of my life is </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">never </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">determined by its circumstances. It is</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">a powerful teaching. It took years to accept this and once I did, I became</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">able to remain present. It enabled me to look upon having cancer as a</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">gift.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">AND HERE WE ARE</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The fact that I had cancer is incidental. We all have our rough spots in</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">life. The important thing for me to remember is that I lived during and</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">through the experience. I don’t mean just surviving it, although I wanted that, too. I mean living in the experience and facing it no matter what</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">it brings; nothing bad happens. The quickest way through a painful</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">experience, I believe, is to simply go ahead and have it. Try to avoid it</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and it’ll just come back and bite you in the ass.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Was this a painful, sad and difficult time in my life? Damn right!</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Did I have the most fun? Did I learn more about myself than I ever</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">thought I would? Same answer. It was a high time and one hell of a ride.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This was my wake-up call. It’s now time to take what I learned and put it</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">to use. The spiritual teacher Ram Dass once said, “Life is perfect, and it</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">stinks.” I am happy in my recovery, and I have my work cut out for me.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Oh, the celebrity who first “broke the bank” on </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Pyramid </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">was Joel Grey in the Spring of 1973.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am available to audition for the sequel to Rain Man.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I wish you infinite peace, love and gratitude.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">May Peace Prevail On Earth.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ware Soku Kami Nari is a spiritual phrase that conveys the feeling "I am one with the Universe." </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jôju</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> is a Japanese word meaning, "accomplished". Jinrui Soku Kami Nari is meant to convey the feeling, "Humanity is one with the Universe." </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">IN</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, pronounced "een", is an Oriental word similar in meaning to the Sanskrit word "Mudra". An </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">IN</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> is a prayer; a combination of hand gestures, specific breathing and harmonious vocal sounds. For more information about these or any of the specific spiritual practices mentioned above, please contact the Byakko Shinko Kai at </span></span><a href="http://www.byakko.org/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">www.byakko.org</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. Masahisa Goi (1916-1980) is the founder of Byakko Shinko Kai.</span></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Friends In Deed is an organization that provides emotional and spiritual support to anyone suffering from HIV/AIDS or any life-threatening illness, as well as their families, friends and caregivers. They also support anyone dealing with grief and bereavement. For more information, please visit their web site at </span></span><a href="http://www.friendsindeed.org/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">www.friendsindeed.org</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I don't know how I remember this, but one of Joel Grey's winning subjects on Pyramid was "Things on a Ceiling."</span></div>
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</div>The Singing Exterminatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12184956429436255865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4034892575151344779.post-43499917531207718402011-01-02T19:28:00.001-05:002011-01-02T19:30:01.911-05:00A Front Page New(s) Year.Linda Ellerbee wrote, "Some people think that in Journalism, good news is no news. Not true. News is news, without the judgement call."<br />
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It is with great pleasure that I begin this year with good news.<br />
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For the first time ever, an article of mine has made the front page. Is it "front page news?" Thankfully, that is not up to me to decide, yet. Am I happy it's there? Since I quoted Ms. Ellerbee, let's take the "duck test." "If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a duck." I am one happy duck.<br />
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My holiday column, "Home and Heart" is at the top of the home page at <a href="http://www.desertlocalnews.com/">Desert Local News</a>. To the right of the masthead, you'll see my picture and the link to the entire column. Please take a look.<br />
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Happy New Year, everyone.The Singing Exterminatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12184956429436255865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4034892575151344779.post-44864111494477341212010-09-29T09:09:00.000-04:002010-09-29T09:09:02.948-04:00HELP! It's a gift.My friend Cynthia O'Neal, among many other Friends In Deed of my acquaintance, have suggested that asking for help is as much a gift for the person(s) we are asking assistance of as it is for us. Now, I realize that I ask for help about as often as Bullwinkle J. Moose attempts to pull a rabbit out of his hat (six times a cartoon show). It is with pleasure I state with pleasure that my request for assistance requires no more than a little time and a few mouse clicks from you.<br />
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Since July, I have been writing two weekly columns for Palm Springs Guides, a local entertainment web site here in California. "Movies and More!" was a movie review column. The other column was a thinly veiled account of my life here in the desert entitled, "As The Corn Pops." I say "was" because Palm Springs Guides is about to close.<br />
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We gathered for a staff dinner last night, most of us knowing there was news our publishers were going to share. We had no idea it was to tell us we were out of business. Many of us present at the dinner expressed our gratitude to our publishers for giving us the opportunity to write our stories. I too, am grateful. Right now, however, the news is still too new for me to jump into that space of "gratitude." I am pissed off. I am not going down without a fight.<br />
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Apparently, Palm Springs Guides generates very little advertising revenue. My publishers seem to have more flair for the creative than the practical. That's not a complaint. I absolutely relate to that. I am still 100% positive that "Auntie Mame" and "The Wizard of Oz" are the finest examples of documentary and travelogue film making, ever.<br />
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Here's how you can help. Please visit our site on Wednesday and/or Thursday. Then go tell everyone you know to visit the site. The more hits we get, the better it looks when we court potential advertisers. If you know anyone who works in Marketing and is known to be a "rainmaker", please put that person in touch with me.<br />
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Of course, it would be beneficial to me if you visited our site today. My final two columns will go live on the site at approximately 3:00 PM Eastern Time.<br />
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I am aware that there may be other sites/publications I could write for. I'd prefer to write right were I am. <br />
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To paraphrase Rhoda Morgenstern, speaking in the first episode of the Mary Tyler Moore Show, "I left New York because I couldn't find a place to write. I'm not leaving Palm Springs for the same reason."<br />
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Hands on your mice, everyone. Please start clicking, <a href="http://palmspringsguides.com/">here.</a><br />
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Thanks.The Singing Exterminatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12184956429436255865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4034892575151344779.post-51261375432642235962010-07-04T15:45:00.013-04:002011-08-23T17:01:41.829-04:00Video Vault Flashback - July 20, 1978<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It has been a long time since I posted anything new. Actually, I've been busy beginning a new life for myself in California. More about that later. In the meantime, it is with great pleasure that I post something old.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's 1978. The Carol Burnett Show ends its 11 year run. "Grease" is the Number One movie in America. "Garfield" makes his comic strip debut. And I am going to be a contestant on my favorite game show!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yes, it's me on The $20,000 Pyramid! After waiting five years (I was too young when the show made its debut), I was selected to be a contestant. I was so excited and a bit nervous the day we taped this. Lois Nettleton and Dick Cavett were the celebrity guests this week. I was partnered with Lois. She was a great game player and very gracious, albeit a bit upset after having lost the previous Winners Circle round. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">From top to bottom: </span><br />
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<ul><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Me during my pre-game interview. I'm looking at Dick Clark.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Me, getting ready to give some killer clues.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Lois Nettleton and I are all smiles after getting a perfect score.</span></li>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I didn't win the game. I did receive some lovely parting gifts. They were (and this is no joke),</span><br />
<ul><li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Dentyne Gum - I had fresh breath for a year.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jovan Eau Fresh Bath Products - I think I gave these to my Mother and Sister.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Golden Dipt Chicken Coating Mix - I would not have eaten this even if they </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">paid</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> me.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Icee Frozen Drinks - This product was not sold in New York City. I wasn't about to go looking for it.</span></li>
<li><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Childcraft "How and Why" Library - I gave these to my cousins, thinking their kids might like it.</span></li>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Thinking it may come in handy in later life, I did request a copy of my performance. My request was denied, along with an explanation that the tapes were to be erased. This was common practice in those days as two-inch videotape was very expensive. On July 20, I sat in a Greenwich Village pub with my best friend, Judy Resnick and we watched the show. The bartender gave us drinks, I got a big cheer from everyone else there, and that was that.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Fast forward 25 years and much to my surprise, I'm in reruns on the Game Show Network. I never thought I'd say this, but thank Heaven for five-hundred channels of television. Apparently, a bunch of Pyramid episodes had not been erased, mine being one of them. Could you erase me? I mean, really! </span><br />
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</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The nice thing about my pictures is that they actually talk. They can be seen <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvoFP28lGcs">here.</a></span><br />
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</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I must say it is good to have this, if for no other reason than to say, "You see that, Carol Burnett? My shirt collar was almost as big as your curtain rod."</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How I <i>wish</i> I still had that studly head of hair. Five, four, three, two, one...roll 'em!</span><br />
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</span></div>The Singing Exterminatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12184956429436255865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4034892575151344779.post-38011396672497527112009-08-16T07:45:00.001-04:002009-08-16T07:45:58.333-04:00Sweet Sixteen (Psst, it's just a number.), Part ThreeSixteen years and twenty-six days.<div><br /></div><div>Well, here we are again. As I begin to write this, I want to say something profound; communicate some great lesson learned about having lived with a chronic illness for sixteen years. Well, to paraphrase the old saying, "That wish and a Metrocard will get me on the NYC Subway."</div><div><br /></div><div>There's no great lesson here. Nope. Looking around my desk, I can't see any lessons at all. In fact, I can barely see my desk under all these papers.</div><div><br /></div><div>I am so happy I lived to see the past sixteen years. It is something to celebrate, however, sixteen is just a number. I don't think its as important if my time is measured in years, days or minutes, as it is that I spend my time well, to the best of my ability. I'm here, and I want to be here for as long as I can. That and the pot of coffee I am about to make will suit me fine.</div><div><br /><div><div><div>There is more to tell. Coming soon, stories about a niece and nephew; a father lovingly referred to as "Twinkle Eyes", Roller Coasters; a Grandfather, his Grandson and 36 women who pack one swift KICK.</div><div> </div></div></div></div>The Singing Exterminatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12184956429436255865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4034892575151344779.post-79287270829108199402009-07-26T13:35:00.022-04:002011-07-02T20:13:15.478-04:00Sweet Sixteen, Part Two<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I promised a story about "near death; real death; great gain and the pain it takes to achieve it; and a blob in my neck. There's pop culture galore... movies; television; game shows (and the celebrities who play them). Can you guess with whom I share a "birthday?" Did you just blink your eyes? That's a hint.</span></span><br />
<div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span> </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This essay is a memoir of my life over a period of two years. It really happened; every word is my recollection of the truth. There are references to some of my spiritual practices, with a few words and phrases in Japanese. I will translate the words and provide information about these spiritual practices in the notes following the essay.</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span> </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">To begin, a couple of quotes. The first is from C.S. Lewis who said, "We read to know we are not alone." The second comes from Carol Burnett, a constant source of my laughs and inspiration. Beside that, I love her to pieces. Said Carol, "Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me."</span></span></div><div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="font-size: 16pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Gift of Having Cancer</span></span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 14pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Or,<o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="font-size: 16pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If I Knew What I Would Get Out of Having Cancer, I Wouldn’t Have Waited So Long To Have It.</span></span></b><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> <o:p></o:p></span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-size: 16pt;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">EVERY DAY A LITTLE DEATH</span></span><br />
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</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In 1993, I was diagnosed HIV positive. In</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">February 2003, I was diagnosed with Kaposi’s</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sarcoma, an AIDS related form of cancer. The</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">following month, I went through two inpatient</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">stays at New York Presbyterian Hospital, one of</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">the finest health care facilities in the United</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">States. For the patient, NYPH can provide the</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">best that Western medicine has to offer. To further benefit the cancer patient, many doctors at NYPH will consult with</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">doctors at Memorial-Sloan Kettering Cancer Center.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">During my second stay in the hospital, my health deteriorated to the</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">point where I was told that if my condition worsened, death would be</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">imminent. The cancer was spreading rapidly and I had lesions on my</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">face, chest, back and groin as well as in my lungs. The platelet count in</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">my blood had decreased to 2 (150 is considered low-normal). I had</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">bleeding in my lungs, was bruising easily, suffered from chest pain and</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">had trouble breathing on my own. I was on full oxygen at this point.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Trying to lie down to relax or sleep put too much pressure on my chest.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The pain was unbearable. As a last-ditch effort to boost my immune system, my doctors put me on a regimen of intravenous Gamma Globulin and Prednisone, a blood product and a steroid, respectively.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What follows is not an account of a near-death experience. My heart did not stop beating nor did I see “a light.” It is though, the most significant time in which I had to confront my own mortality and spirituality. I</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">was raised Jewish, but my spiritual practice encompasses everything</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">from Judaism to Zen and Hindu meditations and Japanese prayers.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">While I have embraced and enjoyed all these teachings, I would practice</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">my spirituality only when life was going well. Then something would</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">happen and I would toss my spirituality aside. However, when I was</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">told that I might be dying, it wasn’t death I was frightened of. Far scarier was the thought that I could leave this world without honoring and</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">living in my spirituality.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was on Sunday, March 30, 2003, this “worst day,” that my life</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">transformed in a way I could not have imagined. My entire family visited me—parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins and the loves of my life,</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">my niece and nephew. About thirty people were in my room—a real</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">party! I came to refer to this visit as my “live wake.” We talked, laughed,</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">cried, ate and had a lovely afternoon. Not knowing what my future held,</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">we also said how much we loved one another and, if necessary, said our</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">goodbyes.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After my family left, I settled in for a quiet evening watching television. Th</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">e cable television station Turner Classic Movies was in the midst</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">of</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">its </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">31 Days of Oscar</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, a salute to American Academy Award winning</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">films. The theme for the evening was “Oscar Gets Sick.” The two movies</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">shown were </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Terms of Endearment</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Philadelphia</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. I</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">thought to</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">myself, “Well isn’t this something. I want relief and now, I can watch</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">both the cancer movie and the AIDS movie in one evening. Here I am</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">sitting with both illnesses in one handsome, hilarious package.” The </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">irony made me laugh. Considering my condition, it made perfect sense. Thinking that they are both great movies and I may be entertained; I</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">decided to watch them both.</span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When I like a movie, I can watch it 100 times and not be bored.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Being a (sometimes) singer and performer, I have always loved movies and all popular</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">culture. A dear friend of mine considers me to be a “walking national</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">treasure of fandom.” It’s one of my strengths. You may ask, “How</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">strong?” Here’s a trivia question; the first one that comes to mind. Who is the first celebrity contestant to “break the</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">bank” and win twice in one episode of the television quiz show </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The $10,000 Pyramid</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">? I know this from memory and I’ll answer the question, but not until the end of the article.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">During </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Terms of Endearment</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">,</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">at the scene where Debra Winger’s character dies of cancer, I found myself, surprisingly, not crying. Never</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">before had I watched this scene without a few tissues in my hand. After</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">a few moments I came to the conclusion that every piece of drama and</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">negative energy I could associate with my own condition was up there</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">on the television screen. It was not a part of me. I could turn it off whenever I wanted to. My thoughts made me completely giddy. I continued</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">to watch and at the end of </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Philadelphia</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, turned off the set.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">EVERYTHING AND NOTHING</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As I lay in my bed looking out at the East River, I felt a sense of peace</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and quiet. I thought, “Maybe I am dying, maybe I’m not. Whatever is</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">happening, I’m fine.” I thought that God must have work for me to do,</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">either here on Earth or outside of my body. The only thing I wanted to</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">be was ready for either possibility. I thought to myself that everything in</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">my life mattered and nothing in my life mattered. I began to think that</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">this must be what it means to be free. I felt free of attachment, free of</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">negative thinking, free of everything. I wish I could communicate how</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">happy and joyous and humbled and peaceful I felt in this new- found</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">freedom. I cried tears of joy and for the first time in over a week, I</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">peacefully and blessedly fell asleep.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I don’t know what constitutes a miracle, but the next morning, my</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">perception of a miracle manifested itself. Beginning at 6 </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">AM</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">,</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">the nurses</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">started coming into my room to inform me that my platelet count was</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">rising—46, 60, 75, 85—with every blood sample, the platelet count kept</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">going up. Finally at 1:00 </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">PM</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">,</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">my doctor arrived to tell me that I had a</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">count of 156. This was enough to begin my chemotherapy, which she had already ordered. After a painful and sad week, my condition began to</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">improve.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">While still in critical condition, I was visited by my friends Deborah and Reiko. I had first met Deborah in 1995 in her capacity as an</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Interfaith Minister and she became my spiritual counselor. In fact, it</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">was Deborah who helped me develop many of my spiritual tools. After</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">our counseling sessions ended, a friendship developed. Deborah introduced me to Reiko, who in 1997 offered to teach me the </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">IN </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">of </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ware Soku</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Kami Nari</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">On March 31, the day after my awakening, my friends came</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">to the hospital to meditate with me. We recited the phrases “</span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ware Soku</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Kami Nari</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">,</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">jôju</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">,</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jinrui Soku Kami Nari</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">.” We did the divine practice</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">for the large-scale purification of humanity and performed the </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">IN </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">of</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jinrui Soku Kami Nari</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">During our meditation, with my eyes closed, I began to feel something like a drill boring a hole in my head. Inexplicably, the feeling was</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">not</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">painful and I sensed it was for my own good. The vision that followed was one of Masahisa Goi. ‘Goi Sensei’</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">was drilling the hole in my</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">head in order for me to let in my divine light. It was a profound experience—the first and only time to date that I saw his face in a vision.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">These practices and meditations, along with Western medicine and</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">my fierce determination, made it possible for my health to rebound</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">enough for my doctors to begin chemotherapy treatments the very next</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">day. I chose that day, April 1st, to be my re-birthday. April Fools Day</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">is the perfect choice to celebrate a birthday. As it is already miraculous, something else makes sense. It's "Jeannie's" birthday, too. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Within two months, my recovery was almost complete. Today, I</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">have no cancer present in my lungs and the few lesions still visible are</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">nothing more than pigmentation problems. My HIV viral load, which</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">was 1.8 million (dangerously high) in February 2003, has decreased to</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">the point where it is undetectable. Any side effects from the chemotherapy are so inconsequential that I pay no attention to them. I have energy</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">to spare and am living my life with a renewed sense of spirit and purpose. I find my divine light very present in my heart, mind and body.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I consider my recovery to be miraculous. Continued recovery, however, comes with some responsibility. I perform the Universal </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">INs </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">of </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ware Soku Kami Nari</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jinrui Soku Kami Nari</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">regularly and I am</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">working on other spiritual practices. I am writing two Universal Source Mandalas as well as saying “</span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jinrui Soku Kami Nari</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">” for 70,000 individuals.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">These two additional practices have become something similar to</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">a meditation. They are easy to do and completely lift my spirits. The</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">mandalas are wonderful tools to assist me in staying open to receive my</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">divine light. I have been informed that I am doing humanity a service</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">when I say “</span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jinrui Soku Kami Nari</span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">.” There are moments when I am a</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">bit skeptical, however, I continue to say the recitation. It is creating positive energy and being of service brings me great joy.</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have always possessed a strong determination to do whatever I wanted to do. Now, my determination has turned toward my complete</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">physical and emotional recovery. Along with my spiritual tools, the mandalas and performing the </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">INs </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">regularly, I progress through this task with a sense of humor, light and great spirit.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">PEOPLE PLAN AND GOD LAUGHS</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It has been almost a year since I wrote that last paragraph. I was doing my work, completely happy in my physical, spiritual and emotional</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">recovery. I had no idea of what was to come. On Friday, June 20, 2003,</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">thirty-six hours after receiving the news that the cancer was no longer</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">present in my lungs, my father died. The summer of 2003 was spent in</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">mourning, albeit with a sense of purpose. I had received the gift of dealing with my own mortality just prior to my father’s passing. It did not</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">make his death any easier, but there was a sense of lightness in which I</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">experienced an expansion of my heart and mind. Realizing that my</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">thoughts of Dad would now reside in my heart, I began to see my heart</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">having the capacity to hold more kindness and compassion, along with</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">my feelings for him. I thought there could be no better gift for a father to</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">give his son.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Three months later, I developed a lump in my neck. The first</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">thought among my doctors and I was that Lymphoma had developed.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Part of me felt like a strange type of overachiever. One cancer a year was</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">not enough; I had to have two. Biopsies and other tests determined it was not cancerous; however, subsequent tests proved inconclusive that</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">it was any other type of illness. My doctors, as completely baffled as I</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">was, determined it an Atypical Mycobacterial Infection, to be treated</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">with antibiotics. In February 2004 I underwent neck surgery, which</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">removed part of the infection. I was informed that I would have to begin a regimen of four antibiotics, which I would have to take for a minimum</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">of one year.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The physical side effects of the antibiotics were quite debilitating.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Fatigue, fevers, loss of weight and appetite, and dry mouth became part</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">of my daily life. While I was meditating at this time, I had stopped performing the </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">INs </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and was not completing my mandalas. I simply did not</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">have the energy, or so I thought.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In July, when the side effects of the antibiotics were interfering too</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">much with the quality of my life, I decided to stop taking them altogether. A week later, I began a regimen of traditional Chinese medicine, regular acupuncture treatments and Chinese herbs. I began to feel much</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">better and was pleased that I made the decision to go off the antibiotics.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Two weeks later, the infection in my neck began to flare up and I had to</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">go back on the antibiotics. I was quite upset and angry that I had to do</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">this, but it seemed that it was something I had to do in order to clear my</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">body of this infection. So, Western and Eastern medicine would have to</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">work together.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">LEARNING AND RELEARNING</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Once again, my fierce determination to recover and live my life fully</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">started to kick in. I began to think that maybe I did not learn my lesson</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">completely when I had cancer, or when I was first experiencing the side</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">effects of the antibiotics. It had now been about twenty months. Since</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">early 2003, I had been dealing with two major health issues and my</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">father’s death. It was a very tough time, so much so that I began to tell</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">my friends that I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">One afternoon following an acupuncture treatment, I began to feel a sense of acceptance over what was happening in my physical body. I</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">immediately stopped and sat down for a moment. Here I was, remembering how I felt lying in my hospital bed, looking out at the East River.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">An interesting thought came to mind. What would happen to me if I</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">could completely “get out of my own way?” What would happen if I</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">could completely free myself of my attachment to my own body?</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My friend Deborah thought that completely freeing myself of</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">attachment was a rather lofty goal, one that I may not be able to achieve.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">She suggested that I begin by </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">lessening </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">my attachment to my physical</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">body. Thinking about this afterward, I thought she might be on to something. Completely freeing myself of attachment to my physical body</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">began to sound a lot like death. I mean, that does happen when we die.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We no longer have an attachment to our physical body. Am I correct?</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Lessening my attachment was a simpler task; one I could do every day. Through meditation, I could see those situations and experiences in</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">my life in which I created negative energy. I had carried this negative</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">energy with me for many years. I could begin to let go of the negative,</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">which I no longer needed, and replace it with positive energy. The positive energy I would now be creating could be used to facilitate my own</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">spiritual, emotional and physical growth, and then be released into the</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">world. Additionally, I would revisit those life experiences that I used to</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">create positive energy.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I believe it is beneficial for me to acknowledge the hardships as</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">well as the rewards. I will say that it is still my goal to free myself of all</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">attachment. Lessening my attachment every day is the way I will continue towards that goal. There is no time frame here—no saying to myself</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">that I have to do this in six months. It may take the rest of my life to</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">achieve my goal, if I achieve it at all. It doesn’t matter. I can’t think of a</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">more productive way to spend my time.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">During this time, I am performing the </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">INs </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">again, and I have resumed working on my mandalas. They are an important part of my</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">many spiritual tools. The moment of freedom that I described earlier came to me quietly and peacefully, but not quickly. Years of prayer and meditation, making</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">mistakes and remembering who I am had to unfold first.</span></span><br />
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</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My spiritual</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and emotional journey “picked up steam” the day I was diagnosed with</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">HIV. It led me to a New York based organization called Friends In</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Deed. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The loving and talented friends I encountered there assisted me</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">in remembering who I was and what I can do. They helped me to</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">remember that the only thing I have to deal with is my life right here</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and right now. My past is history and my future only imagined. I was</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">shown a way of life in which I could avoid making negative and positive</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">predictions. My attempt to live “in the moment” every day of my life is</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">not easy. It may be the one, and perhaps only place in which I can take</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">care of my emotional and physical health. Another lesson I learned is</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">that the quality of my life is </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">never </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">determined by its circumstances. It is</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">a powerful teaching. It took years to accept this and once I did, I became</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">able to remain present. It enabled me to look upon having cancer as a</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">gift.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">AND HERE WE ARE</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The fact that I had cancer is incidental. We all have our rough spots in</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">life. The important thing for me to remember is that I lived during and</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">through the experience. I don’t mean just surviving it, although I wanted that, too. I mean living in the experience and facing it no matter what</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">it brings; nothing bad happens. The quickest way through a painful</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">experience, I believe, is to simply go ahead and have it. Try to avoid it</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and it’ll just come back and bite you in the ass.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Was this a painful, sad and difficult time in my life? Damn right!</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Did I have the most fun? Did I learn more about myself than I ever</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">thought I would? Same answer. It was a high time and one hell of a ride.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This was my wake-up call. It’s now time to take what I learned and put it</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">to use. The spiritual teacher Ram Dass once said, “Life is perfect, and it</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">stinks.” I am happy in my recovery, and I have my work cut out for me.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Oh, the celebrity who first “broke the bank” on </span></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Pyramid </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">was Joel Grey in the Spring of 1973.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am available to audition for the sequel to Rain Man.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I wish you infinite peace, love and gratitude.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">May Peace Prevail On Earth.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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</span> </div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ware Soku Kami Nari is a spiritual phrase that conveys the feeling "I am one with the Universe." </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Jôju</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> is a Japanese word meaning, "accomplished". Jinrui Soku Kami Nari is meant to convey the feeling, "Humanity is one with the Universe." </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">IN</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">, pronounced "een", is an Oriental word similar in meaning to the Sanskrit word "Mudra". An </span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">IN</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> is a prayer; a combination of hand gestures, specific breathing and harmonious vocal sounds. For more information about these or any of the specific spiritual practices mentioned above, please contact the Byakko Shinko Kai at </span></span><a href="http://www.byakko.org/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">www.byakko.org</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">. Masahisa Goi (1916-1980) is the founder of Byakko Shinko Kai.</span></span></span></span><br />
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</span></span></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Friends In Deed is an organization that provides emotional and spiritual support to anyone suffering from HIV/AIDS or any life-threatening illness, as well as their families, friends and caregivers. They also support anyone dealing with grief and bereavement. For more information, please visit their web site at </span></span><a href="http://www.friendsindeed.org/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">www.friendsindeed.org</span></span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">.</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I don't know how I remember this, but one of Joel Grey's winning subjects on Pyramid was "Things on a Ceiling."</span></span></div></div></div>The Singing Exterminatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12184956429436255865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4034892575151344779.post-24191445508898476082009-07-16T16:38:00.010-04:002009-07-29T17:21:32.128-04:00Sweet Sixteen, Part One<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">There are friends in my life for whom it has become a regular occurrence to hear me count off the exact number of days since I was diagnosed HIV Positive. As of this writing it is now 15 years, 11 months and 362 days. More than a few people have asked me why I would want to live in the past like that. Well, I don't. I am not nostalgic or homesick. Heck, I certainly do not want to live through again that awful day I was diagnosed. No, thank you; once was enough.</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">Shakespeare wrote, "What's past is prologue." He got that one right, as I assume he did many things. I interpret the statement to mean that my present takes on a new dimension and quality when it is informed by the memory of past experiences. It is a reminder of how grateful I am for every day I've been here since my diagnosis. They are so many more days than I ever thought I'd have.<br /></span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">The day after my diagnosis, I found myself attending a Big Group at an organization called Friends In Deed. I arrived there sad and frightened; sad because I thought my life was all but over and frightened because I thought I would not live to see my goals achieved. My mind was so clouded that I could only think of two things I wanted to live to see. One was my nephew's Bar Mitzvah and the other was the Centennial of Radio City Music Hall, which will take place on Monday, December 27, 2032. I was the first person to give voice to his feelings that evening. OK, my comment about Radio City got a laugh from everyone assembled. Laughter being the best medicine there is, always makes me feel better. All of my comments elicited this response from the </span><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">facilitator</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. I am pretty confident this is a direct quote:</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">"Well, we thoroughly support you in having goals. Also, if you hang out here for a while, we might be able to show you a way to live your life a little more in the present."</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">I have, and continue to hang out at Friends In Deed. I'm still living with some pretty challenging circumstances. In being there I have experienced some very interesting, inspired and inspiring ways in which to live my life. It is a life that is not only longer, but more open to possibilities than I ever thought it would be. Oh, this is as good a moment as any to tell you that my nephew's Bar Mitzvah was four years ago. I was there. As for Radio City in 2032, it doesn't matter. I could stop typing and go there right now. That's fine with me.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">If you are dealing with a life threatening illness; if you are a family member, a friend or caregiver to someone who is; or you are dealing with grief and bereavement, I strongly suggest you find out if Friends In Deed is for you. You can find out more about them in addition to their operating hours at </span><a href="http://www.friendsindeed.org/"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">www.friendsindeed.org.</span></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /><br />Having a blog is a real </span><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">time saver</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">. It enables me to express my gratitude to a large number of people all at once instead of one at a time. There are times (</span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">too</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> many) when I would be inclined to make more out of something than is truly necessary. On those occasions, the Friends In Deed </span><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">facilitator</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"> I mentioned earlier might gently point me back towards Earth saying, "It's no big deal." Just as often she will simply say, "...and here we are. Thank you for including us." So, let's keep this simple. To everyone I've known at, through or because of Friends In Deed, here we are. Thank you for including me.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;">To paraphrase the Wicked Witch of the West, "Going so soon? I wouldn't hear of it. Why, my little Sweet Sixteen party is just beginning." I did refer to this as "part one". In Part Two, a tale of a very significant time in these past sixteen years. It is a story of near death; real death; great gain and the pain it takes to achieve it; and a blob in my neck. In other words, it was the time of my life!</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size:medium;"><br /></span></div><div><br /></div></div>The Singing Exterminatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12184956429436255865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4034892575151344779.post-59006928666426446662009-07-15T04:20:00.005-04:002010-06-24T17:42:48.662-04:00Links, Labels and Things I Haven't Figured Out, Yet.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">When I started this blog, I noticed that my profile page has these sections where I can post my favorite movies, music, etc. Naturally, I want to tell you something about the things I like. So I post my interests and click "Save Profile", however, it all gets saved as a series of hyperlinks. That makes sense to me. You or I click on one of my interests or favorites, say "Roller Coasters." Instantly, we'd bring up a page with links to other bloggers with similar interests. I clicked on each of them and did not find one other blogger who likes anything I do. Perhaps it's a small world only when you are not thinking about it.</span><br />
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</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Therefore, in the interest of sanity, namely mine, I am removing the links and labels. I am posting some of my "favorites" below until such a time when I will have figured out how to save them to the proper place without making them "hyper" anything.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Please let me know if we do have similar interests. I'd like to hear from you. On to the list...</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Favorite Movies - </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">West Side Story - From the first whistle to the last street sign underneath the closing credits it is, as Bosley Crowther wrote, "A Cinema Masterpiece."</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Auntie Mame - I think that most poor suckers, including me, would be starving to death without this movie.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Resurrection - A gem of a movie from 1980 starring Ellen Burstyn. This powerful story moves me deeply. It strengthens my belief in the healing power of love and God, or whatever power you believe in. I am surprised it has never been released on DVD. I am happy to lend you my bootleg copy, just ask.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Favorite Music -</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Broadway; Standards; Soul; Funk; Motown; Rock; and Dance Music, particularly Morning Music. Morning Music is the umbrella title for the songs a DJ would play after 4:00 AM. It was a time to play those slower, lovelier grooves that would stretch across genre and make dancing until dawn a treat.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Favorite TV - </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">When I informed her that I was watching less TV, my dear friend Cynthia Burke said, "That's good. You've probably watched enough to fill five lifetimes." You hit the nail on the head, my friend. Perhaps I was making up for some of my past lives, when we did not have TV. Here are some of my favorites from </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">this</span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> lifetime.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">The Mary Tyler Moore Show - The best show with, as Ms. Moore stated, "The best cast, ever."</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">The Carol Burnett Show - The other best cast, ever. Carol, Harvey, Vicki, Lyle and Tim. They kept us (and themselves) laughing from the first "Let's bump up the lights." to the last "...comes the time we have to say so long." I do have an issue with that show; it really bakes my noodle. In the 11 years it was on the air, who laughed more, us or them?</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">NBC News Overnight - In my opinion, the best news program with yet another best cast, ever. Overnight is the only news program that deserves to be in reruns or at least, released as a DVD box set.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">What's My Line? - Here's to one more "best cast, ever." John Charles Daly, Arlene Francis, Dorothy Kilgallen and Bennett Cerf. Every Sunday night for 17 and 1/2 years, they got dressed to the nines and played a parlor game. They even got paid for it. For most of my childhood, I thought that being a panelist on "Line" was the best job on Planet Earth. I see no reason to change my mind now.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br />
</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">The $xxx,000 Pyramid - My favorite game show. I was fortunate enough to appear on The $20,000 Pyramid in 1978. I lost, although 20 years later I managed to get a copy of my appearance on DVD. Can I get Lois Nettleton to say the word, "Stop"? No!</span></div>The Singing Exterminatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12184956429436255865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4034892575151344779.post-16623280415322889602009-05-23T23:21:00.021-04:002012-05-24T13:40:35.141-04:00I Kill 'Em With My Songs!<div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I am a trained Singer and a licensed Exterminator (Insect and Rodent Controller). I had this desire to combine my creative side with my day job hence The Singing Exterminator was born. And no, I did not steal this from William Burroughs. I have not read <i>Naked Lunch</i> or <i>Exterminator!</i>, though I will very soon. </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">When I began promoting my business, I had two images in my mind. Either one would be good for my business cards and/or a web site. In one I was the Pied Piper, singing my songs and leading both insects and rodents to their watery graves. The other scenario had me singing with a smooth, romantic voice. The pests would hear me, swoon and drop dead, much like the cartoon barnyard animals who listened to "Frankie" Sinatra in the Warner Brothers shorts of the 1940's. I just thought of a third one; I'm Elmer Fudd! "Be vewwy, vewwy quiet. I'm hunting woaches. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha." It's good that I have an active fantasy life!</span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">The reality is that both jobs are very demanding, requiring training and a constant process of learning new techniques. Every day there is a new song to learn; a new vocal exercise to try or an alternative method to successfully treat a home for bed bugs. It's a full life, folks.</span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Even though I have always loved singing, my training did not begin until I was 40 years old. I heard a song that had a profound effect on me. It moved me to begin singing lessons. Fortunately and being luckier than lucky, I found the best teacher. It would be more accurate to state that I found her, again. I knew she would take very good care of me and my voice. Furthermore, her presence would allow me to re-connect to a very happy time in my life. Why? We sang together many years before we agreed to be teacher and student. My lessons would be enhanced with purpose, laughter and friendship. It was just a matter of time before I'd write an essay about...</span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><span style="font-family: Arial;">THE SINGING TEACHER</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b><span style="font-family: Arial;">A Love Story in 16 Bars and 36 Years</span></b><span style="font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">It’s the early 1970’s. I’m an adolescent in Brooklyn, NY and already, I’m a day-tripper. It was a habit I was hooked on. And I wasn’t alone. I was on a bus surrounded by other teenage trippers. How did a bunch of kids become such fans of tripping? What influenced us to do it almost every day? What was that four-letter word? It was a noun in my vocabulary, still a year away from being an adjective. It was camp.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Organized by our local synagogue, it was called “Camp Nachas”. It was open to all age groups, but for those of us who were teenagers, “Camp” meant going on an outing every day of the week. We would go to amusement parks, baseball games, to Central Park for a Jefferson Airplane concert (it was a progressive Synagogue). Each and every summer there was a week at Grossinger’s, the famous resort in the Borscht Belt. For kids, we sure got around. One day we’re in the park and it was Grace Slick singing, “One pill makes you small.” The next it was hearing the ultimate Jewish mother say (think Nancy Walker as <i>Ida Morgenstern</i>), “That Gracie Slick thinks she knows something about pills. Wait until that White Rabbit gets Arthritis. Oy, the pain, I’m Going Mah Jong.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">For me, the best thing about camp was that I met someone who would touch my heart forever. <i>She</i> was there.</span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">We met in 1972; further back than most of us care to remember. I don’t know when we said hello or even exchanging names. We were fast friends from the start. We quickly discovered we had three things in common. We loved movies, music and the stage. In other words, we were budding performers; two “hams” that had come together. And at a kosher camp, no less!<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">When our bus driver would turn on the radio, we’d sing together all day long. We knew the lyrics to every pop song played on WMCA or WABC, two of the great New York City Top-40 radio stations. Our favorite song was Neil Sedaka’s <i>Breaking Up Is Hard To Do</i> (the original, up-tempo version from 1962). The song was once referred to as "two minutes and sixteen seconds of pure pop magic." We managed to take that two minutes and stretch it out over an entire summer. We sang that song so many times a day; I suspected that at one point everyone else on the bus wanted to “pop” us like blisters. It didn’t matter to me. We were friends, we were together and we were singing. That was always enough. I wonder why it never entered my mind that things could change?</span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Everything was easy for us, we never ran out of things to talk about. We’d talk about ourselves; what we liked, what we didn’t like. There was this one time when I had a minor crush on another girl at camp. (OK, so I wasn’t 100% out, I mean, sure of my sexuality, yet) When I told my friend that that my feelings went unrequited, she immediately told me that the other girl was a real bitch. Now <i>that’s</i> a friend!<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">For fun, we’d occasionally start talking to one another with these exaggerated Yiddish accents. We always made each other laugh, gabbing away as if we grew up in a shtetl. Then, when we couldn’t hold it in anymore, we’d spontaneously burst into song. Actually it wasn’t that dramatic. We’d sing at the drop of a hat.</span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">This is beginning to read like a plot for a musical. Damn, I’m not a composer but I certainly know who is. Mr. Lutvak, are you reading this?</span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Speaking of musicals <i>and</i> composers, two of our fellow campers were prodigiously talented. To our benefit, they wrote the camp play every summer. In 1972 they wrote a show entitled <i>Stranger In Egypt</i>, a musical version of The Ten Commandments. I was cast as the Pharaoh Ramses and she played my daughter, Bithiah. We got to play on stage and for the first time, sing with our own voices sans the Neil Sedaka record. This was to the relief of our fellow campers who were; by then ready to cast <i>us</i> into the Nile, I’m sure.</span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">We played the opening scene together. There I was as Pharaoh, in my Throne Room counting the daily tally of “gropenpecks”. Making quite a commotion, she bursts in to tell me that she had pulled a baby out of the Nile. I think you pretty much know the rest of <i>that</i> story. If not, please get thee to Temple, Church, Mosque or Netflix (but please, not before you finish reading The Desert Sun. I need the work.) Then we did our opening duet. Singing with her, I was certain that dictionaries were being updated to reflect a new definition for the term, “Happy Camper.”</span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I can still see it as if it happened yesterday. I couldn’t wait for her to run out on stage and join me. If our friendship was the cake, then sharing a stage was the sweetest icing any chef could create.</span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">To say that having a friend like her was the high point of my summer (which it was) would be an understatement. This was a new high in my life! I was an overweight kid who came from a semi-broken home. It was always difficult for me to find my place; I never quite felt like I fit in. Harder still was my ability to make and keep friends. To have one whom I loved and who returned that love was a gift.</span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">It’s 1973! Another summer, another show. The Prodigals were back; this time writing an original musical about the lives and loves of a bunch of High School teachers. <i>One And One Makes Three</i> was its title. The Prodigals wrote a part just for me. How many actors get to say that at fourteen-years-old? I was to play Mr. Jackson, the very flamboyant, yet questionably Gay math teacher. “Camp” is now an adjective. On a side note, I’d like to say that estimable acting skills made my Mr. Jackson so convincing. More to the fact was that nobody plays a <i>fagila</i> like a fagila. In many ways, “Mr. Jackson” gave me permission to be myself, along with courage to begin the process of coming out.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">Meanwhile, back at camp, she was cast as Ms. Johnson, Mr. Jackson’s best friend and sometime love interest. Here we were again, singing, playing and having a great time. Then a major change took her in another direction.</span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">She was taking singing lessons and her coach got her an audition for a role in a Broadway musical. In Mid-July, she got the part. I was truly happy and thrilled for her and very sad that she was leaving. She was going off to perform on Broadway and I could not go with her. And believe me, I wanted to go! This is what we both wanted for ourselves. It wasn’t jealousy. I simply did not know how to say how much I would miss her.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">There was some consolation; we had three weeks until She had to leave to begin rehearsals. I secretly hoped that something would happen. Nothing bad, just a little delay in the show’s schedule that would allow Her to finish the summer at camp. It wasn’t going to happen. All of a sudden that damn Neil Sedaka song was the last thing I wanted to hear. Now, the lyrics had meaning. In 30 years, I would learn to look at that as an acting lesson. In 1973, it was breaking my heart. <o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I eventually saw her on Broadway and she was great. Visiting her after the show, something was different. We still loved each other, but there were big differences between the musical I was doing in High School and the one she was doing on Broadway. For me, work after school meant slicing Lox at my Uncle’s delicatessen. For her, it was making a TV special with Art Carney. We’re not exactly leading parallel lives here.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">We went to different schools and our lives took different directions. Then one day, “nothing” happened. We didn’t talk. And that happened a second day, then a week, and a month and there it was. </span>We fell out of touch, but for me, it was far from over. Our friendship was an attachment of the heart. It’s the kind of attachment that never fades. So, in my heart she stayed, a very happy memory.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I’d think about her often. I wondered where she went to college. Was she was still acting and singing? I always hoped she was, although I never again saw her name in the credits for a Broadway show. I tried to contact her a few times, but I could not find an address or phone number. Someone once said to me that relationships are active when you have “some kind of business” being together. My guess is that for 25 years we didn’t.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">“Some kind of business” reads like stage direction. Does anyone out there want to work on this with me? I am available. And if it’s not a show, this story is certainly worthy enough for an hour of television. Hello, Oprah? But I digress.</span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">It's 1999. I am watching a TV special called <i>My Favorite Broadway – The Leading Ladies.</i> In the middle of the show, Karen Ziemba, a singer/dancer of prodigious talent runs on stage to declare, <i>I Wanna Be A Rockette</i>. Typing those words makes my head spin. I can’t describe what I was feeling when I heard that song for the first time. Something stirred within me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">“What was this?” “Who wrote a song about my life?” I had never heard the song before. I was absolutely agog as I thought, "That's <i>my</i> song. There’s no one else who could give it what I have.” If you’re wondering what kind of man wants to be a Rockette, just ask.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">“I want to perform <i>that</i> song on a stage, somewhere. No, it’s more than that. I want to perform that song with the Rockettes. And there’s only one stage, the Great Stage, that could hold all 37 of us.” “But I’m not a professional singer. And there’s dancing involved? Acting, too? Oh, crap. How am I going to do this?” How am I going to become a “Triple Threat”?<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I quickly realized that in order to do it properly I am going to have to take this one “threat” at a time. I didn’t own tap shoes, so dancing lessons can wait. I wasn’t quite ready for acting class either. I could hear myself singing the song <i>Nothing</i> from <i>A Chorus Line</i>, “Mr. Karp, he would say, “Very Good! Except Mik-el-berg. Try, Mik-el-berg, all alone.” Singing lessons, that’s the place to begin. It was the one thing I had been doing since I could form words. At least I had some practice under my belt, right? But where do I find the right teacher for me?</span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I have always led a bit of a charmed life. When I require something important I find exactly what I need. I am looking at Playbill Online. I noticed they had a database containing every “Who’s Who” that ever appeared in a Playbill. After looking up a few famous names I asked myself, “Is She in there?” I typed in her name and found a bio from a show she did in Philadelphia. As I read the last line of her bio, my eyes lit up. “She is a singing teacher living in New York City.” Was I actually going to find her after 25 years?</span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">That clinched it! I had “some kind of business” with her. There was no one else who could teach me to sing. I remembered that she was my friend. As such I knew she would take good care of me. I was overjoyed when I came to think that we could be together again. Within minutes I found her phone number and placed the call. As Forrest Gump would say, “And just like that, she was there.”</span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I would like to say that I was restrained and professional as we had our first conversation, but I can’t. I placed my heart on my sleeve as I tried to explain the reason for my call. We were both adults and at least one of us was acting like one. How do you respond when someone says, “Hello, I haven’t seen you in 25 years. I love you. Would you teach me to sing?” I am sure she thought I was insane. Thank heaven she said yes, agreeing to meet me for coffee. I had a few minutes to prove I was not completely crazy. I managed to acquit myself and she agreed to a lesson.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I want to tell you that the desire to be a singer and the reality of taking lessons are two completely different things. I had no idea of what I was in for. I walked into her studio with the thought I might come out with a voice sounding something like every other voice I ever heard. That meant I was going to sound like a hybrid of Tony Bennett, k.d. lang, Richard Kiley, Robert Goulet, Barbara Cook, Dusty Springfield, Zero Mostel, Petula Clark, The Manhattan Transfer, The Supremes, The Four Tops and Lulu.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">She asked me to sing something “legitimate”. My mind was such a blank that the only song I thought of was <i>Tomorrow</i> from <i>Annie</i>. I raised my head, stuck out my chin, grinned and began to sing (if you could call it that). I thought to myself, “Oh, crap!”<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">“THE SUN’LL COME OUT, TOMORR—“, was when she stopped me. "Shut Up! You are never going to sing like that in front of me again." Interestingly, that statement did not upset me. She informed me that my singing was never going to be the way it sounded in my head. Again, I got it. While it felt like the wind was being knocked out of my sails, I was being told I would be taught to sing in "my voice". Maybe that’s what the “message behind the music” means. It made perfect sense.</span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I quickly discovered that I had to be ready to work. For the first six months I didn't sing a note. I barely knew how to breathe, much less sing. With her guidance, I had to replace bad form with good technique. I had to retrain my body to avoid the mistakes I had been making. It’s something like learning how to walk all over again. But the result is amazing. Many of our lessons have informed me as a human being. Most importantly, I don’t look for my singing to sound like anyone else. I have my own voice, the only one with which I can sing. It is all the more precious that she is there to guide me in this process.<o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">There is something else to say about out time together. We are laughing again. It seems like we are laughing all the time. There are times we have to remind ourselves that we are there to work. But, even in our work we found plenty to laugh about. I cherish these moments. It reminds me to be grateful. Here we are again, laughing, playing and singing, just as we did all those years ago. It is a gift for both of us. Talk about a charmed life.</span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">For almost a decade she has been my teacher and my friend. That we have some history together is nice, but we spend little time talking about the past. We’re pretty much operating in the present. We care for each other, we work, we make each other laugh and we sing. Two friends joined at the Heart and Soul. One thing we have not yet accomplished is another duet. Maybe one day...</span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">I don’t want to run the risk of making this a sappy, sentimental musical. I want something smart, sweet and hysterical, like Spamalot. And if <i>that</i> musical is any indication, we will “Succeed On Broadway”. My story is about two Jews!</span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">This is “Our Song That Goes Like This.” I hope it’s the song that never ends, my dear friend.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial;">© 2008 - David P. Mikelberg</span><span style="font-family: Arial;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
</div>The Singing Exterminatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12184956429436255865noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4034892575151344779.post-58121431018367817792009-05-10T15:36:00.003-04:002009-07-27T14:31:48.841-04:00What The Heck Happened Here?!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">There I am on a lazy Sunday, having a tall glass of Iced Coffee and surfing the Internet. I set out to post a message on a web page about the Loew's Kings Theater, a former movie palace still standing (albeit closed since 1977) in Brooklyn, NY. Simple, yes? No! I don't like the options offered for placing my name on the post. I want to use my Internet handle, The Singing Exterminator. Maybe if I select one of those other options, I'll be able to use my handle. If not, I'll delete the post. Yeah, right! I didn't plan this and now I am looking at a page with this big button that reads, "Make My Blog!" How did I go from a simple post to an entire Blog in two mouse clicks?</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span><div> <div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Once again, God has looked upon on on me with infinite love and a twisted sense of humor and said, "Ha!</span></div><div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I clicked the big button. Here I go again! It's into the abyss or down the rabbit hole. Next thing I know, all these possibilities are before me. Like a soon to be parent browses the Baby Supplies aisle, I ensure that I have all the supplies I need. I click my mouse to create a profile. Another click and my favorite movies, music and books are posted. Yet another click and I've chosen a title. Just one more mouse click to go. I could select "Delete" and be done with it, but no, I go ahead and click "Save". I've given birth to a Blog and now, after the fact, I have labor pains. What I'm really asking myself is, "What am I going to post here?"</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">Now that I </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">am</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> here, I remember that I've thought about setting up a Blog for some time. I'm going to post some of my writings, mostly essays and short stories about significant events and times in my life. I imagine I'll post some of my thoughts and ideas to a place where I can read them. They'll be out of my head and hence I can move on to other things. The rest of it I will make up as I go along. This really does have possibilities!</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">A friend and counselor of mine says that some of the things I have lived through might be of assistance to others. Some of this might be of interest to you, on the other side of the computer screen. I welcome your comments or questions. As the wonderful Carol Burnett said, "Let's bump up the lights and see if you have anything you want to talk about."</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">I have to get out of here for a while. I leave you with another quote from Carol Burnett. "We have a great show for you so don't go away. We'll be right back."</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><br /></div></div></div></div>The Singing Exterminatorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12184956429436255865noreply@blogger.com0